What subject is a witch good at in school? Spelling!

What do firemen put in their soup? Fire crackers!

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.

Why did the chewing gum cross the road? It was stuck to the leg of a chicken !!!

What did the egg say to the other egg? Let's get cracking!

What do you say to a cow that crosses in front of your car? Mooo-ve over.

Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken? It was a chicken.

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell Station!

How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed? You bump your nose on the ceiling.

What would you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work.

What pie can fly? A magpie.

What did Mickey say when Minnie asked if he was listening? I'm all ears!

How can you make seven even? Remove the "S".

Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race? It ended in a tie.

Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? He thought it was a high school!

If April showers bring May flowers then what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!

What's in the middle of a jellyfish? A jellybutton

What did Tarzan say when he heard the elephants coming? "Here come the elephants!"

What do mermaids have on toast? Mermerlade

Why do elephants never forget? Because nobody ever tells them anything

How do porcupines play leapfrog? Very carefully

What works only when it's fired? A rocket

Girl: What did you get that little medal for? Boy: For singing Girl: What did you get the big one for? Boy: For stopping!

Why did the baker stop making donuts? He got sick of the hole business

Why were the suspenders sent to jail? For holding up a pair of trousers

What bird can be heard at mealtimes? A swallow

What goes Oh, Oh, Oh? Santa walking backwards

What is at the end of everything? The letter G

What does the winner of the race lose? His breath

What do you call a mosquito with a tin suit? A bite in shining armour

What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a rooster? A cockapoodledoo!

What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig

Where do mermaids go to see movies? The dive-in

Why don't bats live alone? They like to hang around with their friends

What goes tick, tick, woof, woof? A watch dog

What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock? Look pop, no hands

How does a flea get from place to place? By itch-hiking.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.

Who earns a living by driving his customers away? A taxi-driver.

What does a dentist call his x-rays? Tooth-pics.

Where do you send a frog to get glasses? To a hoptometrist.

What happened when the chicken slept under the car? She woke up "oily" the next morning.

If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become? Wet.