Forgive me, these jokes
are just too funny!

(Maybe if I'd have worn my red hard hat, she would think I'm cute?)

What's on your mind today, Dude?

Okay...here's a dumb guy joke.

Poor Charlie. He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. His HARD HAT co-worker on the loading dock tells him that his wife is cheating on him with his best friend.......
Going over there every lunch hour and having a good time.
Well, Charlie decides to check this out. He goes home for lunch the next day. He comes back to work with a look of total relief on his face, and tells his co-worker......
"You were wrong. I don't even know that guy!"

Do not mix beer and Viagara !

You look, and you're a dead man!

xxxxx

YOU TELL 'EM, ARNOLD!!

It doesn't matter
who made the smell...
The last one out
owns it!!

*****************************************************
DUCK TAPE JOKE
Old man sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana, watching the sun rise, sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." Old man says "Hold on, I'll get my hat."

HOLD ON...I'LL GET MY RED HARD HAT AND FOLLOW YOU!!

The famous Oval Office....

You know what, I think
HE'S lying! He does NOT have one of those!

Check it out....while his pants are down...

Mary who?????? Certainly not Joseph's wife!

Boring winter days bring
big imaginations! Oh, My God!!

Sex Laws Around The World
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense...) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Excuse me?) Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or a piece of wood at all times. (A brick??) There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is forbidden for virgins to marry. Let's just think for a minute... is there ANY job anywhere else in the world that comes even close to this?) In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!) Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, though only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shiver at the thought.) Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a problem big enough to make them have to pass this law?)

POOR Scott Kelly!
His girlfriend must have been really pissed off.

Some people use a sex theme
to sell products. Duh!