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February 2012
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Here I am in Cabo San Lucas when I was younger than I am today.
In case you're wondering who is who in the pic, that's my wife Vicki on your right!

 
O.K.-So what's here, anyway?
 On the left (below the Marlin I boated using 20lb. test, cough, ahem), you'll find links to news sources, and on the bottom left, you'll find some "Links for You", including Smallball. Check 'em out.
Immediately below, you'll find The Darwin Awards and Words of Wisdom contributed by our correspondent, Kim Hoeke (my daughter).
On the bottom right, you'll see an area for sending me a message-I'd like to hear from you!

 
2007 Annual Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
The official award site states:
"We salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it... ensuring that the next generation is one idiot smarter. Of necessity, this award is generally bestowed posthumously."

There’s really no need for my comments here, except to marvel at the fantasy, creativity and colossal stupidity that led these people (all men?) to remove themselves from the gene pool.

This years nominees are:

  • Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
  • Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI. was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a “farm-type truck”. Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on something however, and the other man found Burns “wrapped in the drive shaft”.
  • Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
  • Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was “one of the best and brightest” members of the 200-man association.
  • Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird] Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolinas electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
  • Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star] A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gun-powder ignited.
  • Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. “It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony,” Honer said.
  • Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette] Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.
    Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out.
    As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
    After traveling Approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
    “Thank God we weren’t on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead,” stated Wallis.
    “I’ve been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can’t believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,” said Snyder.
    Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole’s wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???
    (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)
 To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
  • At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
  • Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. !
  • Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
  • Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
  • In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana'
  • Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
  • Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
  • Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
  • Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
  • Sing Along At The Opera.
  • Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
  • Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
  • When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
  • When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
  • Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
 

 
 



 
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