Intolerance and the Perfection Complex

By Bob Bongiovanni, MA

Do tolerance and individuation have common roots? I believe they do. In fact, I believe that intolerance involves possession by a negative complex, an insidious complex whose chief symptom is an insatiable desire for perfection at all costs. Like all complexes, the perfection complex has the potential to destroy or to signal a dark passage to new life, depending on how it is handled.

The word "intolerance" usually conjures up images of racial conflict, the viciously cruel bigot, the burning cross, lynchings, insults to human dignity based on skin color or ethnic heritage. This is certainly one face of intolerance, an ugly and all too common face. But, intolerance actually comes in many forms. Intolerance, in the most basic sense, involves a rejection of something that is unfamiliar and an insistance that the familiar is inherently right and the unfamiliar is inherently dangerous. Intolerance is a matter of beliefs, which usually translates into behavior. When I cannot tolerate something, I do all I can to distance myself from it. Sometimes, I go further. I seek to destroy and eliminate it.

In today's political and social landscape, most people know that intolerance is supposed to be bad and tolerance is supposed to be good. But, in practice, troubling questions emerge. Should we tolerate murderers in our midst? Should we tolerate those who blow up airliners and set pipe bombs at the Olympics? Should we tolerate child molestation, rape, thievery, gang warfare? Or--one of those classic paradoxes--should we tolerate those intolerant racial supremecists who spread the poison of hatred? In other words, we wrestle with the question, "Where are the limits of tolerance?"

This is one of those areas where a Jungian perspective can shed new light on a puzzling question. From the Jungian view, intolerance is obviously closely related to shadow -- or, more precisely, inability to find a healthy way of coming to terms with shadow. In 1945, Jung gave a most direct and clear-cut definition of the shadow, "the thing a person has no wish to be" (CW 16, | 470). Shadow is an archetype, and, as such, its contents are powerful, marked by intense feeling, obsessional, possessive, autonomous -- in short, capable of startling and overwhelming the well-ordered ego. Like all contents capable of entering consciousness, initially they appear in projection and when consciousness is in a threatened or doubtful condition, shadow manifests as a strong, irrational projection, positive or negative, upon one's neighbor. Here Jung found a convincing explanation not only of personal antipathies but also the cruel prejudices and persecutions of our time.

Everyone, so far as we know, has a shadow. If I ask the question, "is there something you wish not to be," and you reply affirmatively, you have a shadow. No shame there. But, the critical question is, how do you come to terms with your shadow? Do you hide it away, so repulsed by it that you deny its existence, even to yourself? As Jung teaches, you cannot eradicate shadow, nor can you escape it through denial. That's where I see the concept of intolerance entering into the equation. Intolerance involves a denial of one's personal shadow, a habitual projection of shadow, and a vain attempt to escape or eradicate shadow through this projection. Thus, when intolerance prevails, individuation is stunted or halted. In comparison, tolerance involves a conscious recognition of one's shadow, a willingness to wrestle with the shadow internally rather than through projection. Thus, an attitude of tolerance is fertile ground for individuation to sprout, take root, and grow.

Beware the person who brags about being tolerant, however, just as you should beware the person who brags about being individuated. I have never met anyone who is fully comfortable with their shadow, particularly when it gets in their face in the outer world, so I have never met a completely tolerant person. Which brings me to my next topic -- perfection.

Perfection has infected our culture like a fatal virus. Despite abundant evidence to the contrary -- the whole of human history, in fact -- we cling to the idea that perfection is possible. Now, the search for perfection has yielded some amazing results, not all of them bad. All of technology has its roots in the drive for perfection. "Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door" might have been phrased "build the perfect mousetrap." Every invention, though flawed, had as its aim a perfect solution to a perplexing problem. So, also, in politics. The preamble to the United States constitution states, "We, the people, in order to form a more perfect union É" Now, the qualifier "more" is there, but the search was for perfection. We Americans, in particular, have the optimistic belief that persistence, creativity, and idealism can bring us closer and closer to universal justice and quality of life. Is that bad?

I would argue that the search for perfection only gets ugly when the inevitable attempt to achieve perfection fall short, and somebody gets the blame. That's when intolerance sets in with a vengeance. So, we strive to create a society where the standard of living rises forever, the perfect economy, untroubled by inflation or recession. But, there's always a few people who refuse to go along with the game. Why don't they just pick themselves up out of poverty, get a degree, and buy a house in a nice neighborhood? What's wrong with them? Well, you know how those people are. They're lazy good-for-nothings. In fact, I suspect those people just lay around all day, spreading venereal diseases, selling drugs to our unsuspecting children. Someone really should do something about them.

This is similar to the reasoning that led to the extermination of Jews, homosexuals, people with disabilities, and others some fifty years ago. Here was the once-proud German nation at the end of World War I, in ruins psychically and economically. Rather than confront the shadow, many chose to project it once again. The search for the perfect superhuman, the master race, required a horrible price, but an increasingly large group of people were willing to pay it. The ultimate act of intolerance in the modern era.

We don't need to go to Europe for all of our examples. Here, where we sit today, Indian people once hunted buffalo and camped along the rivers. But, it was the manifest destiny of the United States to spread from sea to shining sea. There was a perfection about it that was so seductive. Why waste this rich land on primitives who couldn't exploit its potential?

How about religious intolerance? Pat Robertson and his gang of scoundrels are easy targets, but so am I. Fundamentalist, evangelical Christianity is in my shadow. I fear it. I fear the way that it whips people into a frenzy, exploiting their prejudices, encouraging people to be intolerant. But, doesn't that belief also make me intolerant? The fact is, God is present when evangelicals pray. We share this building on Sunday mornings with a pentecostal church. I know that has made many of us uneasy. But, the fact is, the Self is as much present downstairs as it is right here right now. Our way of relating to the Self and their way of worshiping God are distinctly different in many ways. Does that mean we are right and they are wrong? Who ever said that tolerance is easy? As I said before, i I do not deny that evangelical Christianity is in my shadow, and I am trying not to project mu negative feelings onto everyone who professes that belief system. I do not seek to escape it, nor do I hope to eradicate it. Somehow, I must learn to relate to it. My individuation depends, to some extent, on my willingness to undertake this unpleasant task.

I had a real test of this not long ago. I work with professional facilitators in my job as a public health specialist, and these facilitators and I work under very stressful situations, often confronting very ugly intolerance. Once, after a grueling public meeting, one of the facilitators asked me, "Are you a Christian? I know that's a dangerous question to ask, but the way you interact with people leads me to believe you might be." My first reaction was shock. My second reaction was extreme discomfort. Of course, I thought, at first, she was accusing me of something. But, her tone and manner led me to believe she was complementing me in the sincerest way possible, and taking a risk in doing so. I replied, "Yes, I am a Christian." She said, "I knew it! So am I. I find it really helps me in doing this kind of work."

I though a lot about this incident afterward. Was I wrong in telling her I was a Christian? The fact is, I find that the Christian story is very influential in my life, more so than any other story I have explored. I find the Self in all sacred writings, but the story of man-become-God is somehow special to me. If she'd asked me if I was a Buddhist or a Taoist or Islamic, I would have said no, instantly; although I honor those systems, I cannot say I live them. Now, I'm sure my form of Christianity is not the same as this facilitator's Christianity. Most mainline Christians would deny me the right to use that title, in fact. Doe that mean I need to shun it myself, as well? Since when do they own exclusive right to it?

One of the more troubling aspects of Christianity is its complicity in propagating the perfection complex.

We need not look back into history. There are plenty of modern examples. For instance, I believe fashion magazines are some of the most dangerous instruments of oppressive perfectionism ever conceived. How's that for an intolerant statement! There, in the pages of GQ and Vogue are airbrushed images of perfect beauty. To the extent that we differ from these icons, we are labeled as ugly. So, we starve ourselves, we squander fortunes on hair transplants and facelifts, in search of elusive perfection. And, of course, we always fall short of next month's issue. And don't even get me started on Barbie. How many women's lives have been sacrificed to bulemia, inspired by that plastic bitch?

A popular Christian bumper sticker reads, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." Even this seemingly tolerant phrase belies an attitude of intolerance. A Christian will always fall short of perfection, but must never cease trying. Lucky that God is such a swell guy, constantly forgiving us for being such hopelessly flawed slobs. He even sent us His son to die, although I can't imagine why we deserved such an honor.

If God is perfectly good, then that leaves humankind as the source of all evil. This reading of the Christian story leaves us feeling understandably shamed, guilt-ridden, and self-critical. The only thing more troubling than an unrepentent sinner is a savage who isn't even aware or sorry for their sinfulness. Hell gapes for the likes of these folks. So, Christians must send missions around the world, carrying the "good news."

Luckily, that's not the only possible reading of the Christian myth. Inspired by Jung, we can imagine a different aim - WHOLENESS. As with perfection, one is never completely whole. But, every internal and external experience has the potential for moving us toward wholeness, particularly our mistakes. Tolerance and wholeness are extremely compatible, in that sense.

What about Christian morality? That's a big question, but it's highly related to the topic of intolerance. Many feel smugly confident in their intolerance of those labeled as "immoral." As you might imagine, Jung differed with this concept. In his view, trying to deny or ignore the self and its influences in our lives is the only truly immoral act. Following the standards of the collective is often what leads us to perform acts that are morally outrageous. We must each make moral judgements in accord with ourselves. This is particularly true when we encounter an archetype and feel its numinous attraction. Only a strong and decisive ego can survive such an encounter. If unconsciousness prevails, the ego will be possessed by the archetype, which may often involve going along with the prevailing prejudices of the day. When intolerance is raised to a virtue, truly moral people are rare.

Ralph Waldo Emerson paints a picture of the moral individual in his poem, "Self Reliance":

Henceforth, please God, forever I forego

The yoke of men's opinions. I will be

Light-hearted as a bird, and live with God.

I find him in the bottom of my heart,

I hear continually his voice within.

The little needle always knows the North,

The little bird remembereth his note,

And this wise Seer within me never errs,

I never taught it what it teaches me;

I only follow, when I act aright.

In summary, the world has become far too dangerous and far too interconnected for intolerance to continue. Jung tells us that the last hope of humankind lies in consciousness. With consciousness comes tolerance and true morality. And, with tolerance, we discover the vast potential of our own shadows. We no longer ask our neighbors to carry the heavy burdens of our shadows. Instead, we encounter each other, perhaps for the first time, as brothers and sisters -- unique, brilliant, powerful, and divine.