| |
 | SAVE THE DATE Saturday Feb. 6th 2010 Red Hat LUAU |
| Places to Go Things to Do |
| Tid Bits, Poems & Other Fun Stuff |
| I.C.E. (In Case of Emergency) |
 | HOME |
|
HOSTESS OF THE MONTH
January - Dar |
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Royal Chapterettes
Links Section
Queen Duzalot:
Sandy
Her Viceness
Baroness of Bubbles:
Rosemary
Bad Girl
The Royal Flasher:
Mary
Countess of Kazooz:
Jackie
Countess of Chocolate:
Dar
Lady Clowns-a-Lot:
Linda
Lady of Laughter
Founding Queen Mum:
Jean
Keeper of Gloves:
Barbara
Baroness of B-Days:
Pat
Princess of Plumes:
Kathy
Tid Bits, Poems
& Other Fun Stuff
|
|
IN THIS SECTION YOU WILL FIND:
HOW TO PLAY THE KAZOO
BUBBLES, BUBBLES
WHEN I'M AN OLD LADY...
LEARNING TO SPIT
CHOCOLATE RULES
HOW TO HOST AN EVENT
A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
_______________________________________________________
________________________________
_______________________________________________________
HOW TO PLAY THE KAZOO
Official Instrument of the Red Hat Society
(If you don't get a sound, trying saying a word like "who" in the kazoo.)
The kazoo is in the family of musical instruments called, “mirlitons”.
These instruments make their sound by sympathetic vibration with the human voice.
The sound of your humming voice causes the wax paper resonator to vibrate in the kazoo, and the shape of the kazoo helps amplifiy and project the sound.
ADVANCED KAZOOING
TRY A MUSIC SCALE - “DO-RE-MI-FA-SO-LA-TI-DO”
PLAY “MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB”
MAKE THE SOUND OF A FAST SPORTS CAR
MAKE THE SOUND A OF POLICE SIREN
MAKE A DINOSAUR SOUND
MAKE A MOSQUITO SOUND
PLAY BEETHOVEN’S FIFTH SYMPHONY
----------------------------------------------------------------
CAUTION: Continued Kazoo Playing Can Be Very Annoying to Spouses, Parents, and Co-Workers.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Kazooing Safety Rules:
Never stick the kazoo up your nose.
Do not inhale through the kazoo.
In subfreezing temperatures, use ONLY plastic model kazoos, since a metal kazoo could become permanently affixed to lips and/or tongue.
Use protective covering to keep your kazoo free of purse/pocket link or belly button fuzz.
Kazooist Safety/Health Rules:
Prevent lip fatigue by adhering to short practice sessions, lengthening them only when your embrochure muscles have achieved schwartznegerian definition.
To avoid cramping, chafing, and blistering, induce a North Carolina farmer to reveal the contents of the ointment they have used for generations to treat cows with chapped udders.
Directly before an important performance (what kazoo player performance in unimportant?) the professional and courteous kazooist (and what kazooist is not courteous?) ABSTAIN from such substances as beer, chili, garlic or other dyspeptic foods UNLESS hiccoughing is a desired effect in the music.
Directly post performance, the kazooist becomes - in all respects - a bon vivant indulging in a large array of food, beverages and types of social intercourse.
To Be a Kazooist:
Be on time..Be intense..Be full of breath..Be good to your QUEEN!
Tee! Hee! Da Queen likes that last rule BEST!!
____________________________________________________
__________________________________
____________________________________________________
BUBBLES, BUBBLES
An angel sitting on my shoulder
Told me not to fret about getting older.
Blow bubbles and watch them rise
Let go of your woes, if you are wise.
A bubble can make you giggle
If you watch its rainbow wiggle.
A bubble can make you grin
Being playful is not a sin.
A bubble can make you smile
Become a kid again for awhile.
The Baroness of Bubbles has made a royal decree,
Let’s blow bubbles to set our ‘inner child’ free.
I'll give you a magic wand to use.
Play a fanfare on your kazoos.
Dip your wand into the magic potion
Let yourself free with great emotion.
Bangles and beads we use with a flare
Add bubbles anytime, anywhere.
People already stare at our purple and red
Now we add bubbles floating around our head.
Inhale, get ready, let the laughter out.
Exhale and watch your bubbles float about.
Listen to the angel under your red hat
Having fun with the RHS is where it’s at.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________
_____________________________________________________
WHEN I'M AN OLD LADY...
Author: Joanne Bailey Baxter, Lorain, OH
I'm going' to live with the Kids
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with my kids:
and make them so happy, just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided,
Returning each deed. Oh, they'll be so excited.
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids:
I'll write on the wall with reds, greens and blues,
and bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets, and oh, how they'll shout.
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids:
When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
and when that is done I'll hide under the bed.
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids:
When they cook dinner and call me to meals,
I'll not eat my green beans or salads congealed.
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
and when they get angry, run fast as I'm able.
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids:
I'll sit close to the TV, thru the channels I'll click,
I'll cross both my eyes to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud until the end of the day.
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids:
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
and thank God in prayer and then close my eyes,
and my kids will look down
with a smile slowly creeping,
and say with a groan.
"She's so sweet when she's sleeping"!
_____________________________________________________
__________________________________
_____________________________________________________
LEARNING TO SPIT
(As in the Poem “Warning” by Jenny Joseph)
Can you teach me? Do you know how?
1. First, work up a big gob of saliva.
2. Purse your lips like you’re going to whistle.
3. Move the saliva between your front lower teeth and your lower lip.
4. Inhale deeply through your nose.
5. Then blow out through your pursed lips.
6. Wipe chin.
7. Those learning to spit will do well to practice at home before trying it in public.
........Learn how to spit without dribbling on your clothing and how to spit with just the right amount of force to clear the lips and chin without so much force that the liquid will spatter back at you.
8. Despite a great many jokes there is no saving grace whatsoever in being able to spit a long distance, even if one does it with great accuracy.
9. It is safe to generalize that there are three kinds of spitting vessels:
a.)Large buckets (sometimes Champaign buckets) that are shared by 3, 4 or even 5 people and with so many people gathered around, that could be rather sticky.
(Be careful not to spit with too much force for the buckets tend to splatter rather badly)
b.)Smaller vessels, often made of clay, that are shared by 2 or 3 people;
(These vessels tend to tip over easily, making a big mess, so unless you have a designated clean-up person available, be careful with your aim.)
c.)Individual spitting buckets, generally of stainless steel and plastic.
(you may prefer to move them fairly close to (but not in contact with) the lips in order to allow for more discrete spitting.)
10. Some spitting buckets come to the table with sawdust or wood shavings at the bottom. This is done in order to avoid the liquid splashing out. Of course as the bucket fills, that is of little help.
11. If you are going out to an event that is BYOS (Bring Your Own Spittoon), be sure to decorate it with red, purple and lots of BLING.
12. Be sure to have either a handkerchief or paper napkins on hand for dabbing the lips, chin and other areas that become wet with spit.
13. If your spitting vessel becomes too full from spitting, ask your hostess to refresh it. If the hostess is busy, you may have to refresh it in the nearest washroom.
14. If you encounter a situation where reaching the spitting bucket is too difficult, spit gently into the water glass that has been provided for you and from time to time dump that into the larger bucket.
15. Keep in mind that no-one is a “perfect spitter” and a bit of dribbling happens to everyone from time to time. When this does happen, or if you happen to drop a bit on your clothing, do not make a public issue of it. The probability is that no one noticed anyhow and if they do, they really don’t care, for they know full well it happens to them as well.
16. If there is a television crew nearby, let them photograph while you are spitting only if you have a passion for making a fool of yourself in public. Believe me; you will not enjoy seeing yourself that way. If the crew insists on photographing you, simply turn your back on the camera as you spit.
HAPPY SPITTING
_______________________________________________________
__________________________________
_______________________________________________________
CHOCOLATE RULES
Anytime HATS gather, Chocolate RULES
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
Money talks. Chocolate sings.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger!
Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A: Because no one wants to quit!
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done today.
The Chocoholics 12-step program : NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!!
When we hear the dirty word, "EXCERCISE",
We wash our mouths out with CHOCOLATE!
_______________________________________________________
__________________________________
_______________________________________________________
HOW TO HOST AN EVENT
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE...
Hosting an event requires you to pick a place to have it, reserve the space, announce your meeting, handle the RSVP's, and of course, attend to make sure everything goes well. The month before your event, bring your flyers to the meeting to announce your event...or have the Queen send the graphics flyer on the computer. Please notify and check with the Queen of the details to make sure your event is o.k. or that it has not been duplicated in the past...or that a place that you have chosen to eat is on the "O.K." list to attend! (i.e., once in awhile we run across a restaurant or facility that is not too amicable for our needs...or the service or food is poor, etc.) Here are some lessons learned about hosting a meeting as well as some ideas from other Red Hat Chapters: 1) *See if the restaurant will SPLIT the checks individually. 2) *Make sure the venue is wheechair accessible! 3) *Try to pick places that have their own parking...or parking very accessible. 4) *Try to pick places that are easy to get to. 5) *Try to find a place that is ours EXCLUSIVELY (i.e., banquet room, private room or picnic area) -- altho' this is NOT always the possibililty, we try to strive in that direction. 6) *Make flyers if possible to reminder members of the next meeting, proper info. and directions, deadline date to RSVP, and a map if possible. 7) *Try to make sure the meeting falls on our REGULAR meeting day (2nd Thurs.), but if not possible and this has to be changed, CLEAR THIS WITH THE QUEEN AND GIVE PLENTY OF ADVANCE NOTICE! 8) *Give final head count to restaurant/venue before the event so they can plan accordingly. 9) *GIRLS....PLEASE, PLEASE, BE NICE AND R.S.V.P. so the correct number attending can be given!!!!! (remember your manners, please!) These events can be as casual OR extravagant as YOU would like them to be! You are the hostess...you can plan a "theme" (which is always fun), have games to play, or the event can be a simple trip to see movie ... IDEAS: --Lunch, Brunch, Tea (High or Low) --Movies, Theater, Musical Shows or Cocktail party --Playing games (cards, bunco, bingo, etc.) --Lecture or Charity Event --Sporting event --Shopping adventures --Show n' Tell, Yard Sale items to barter --Arts/Craft hour --Potluck lunch at someone's home or park --P.J. party and movie rental at a home --Attend a large Red Hat function TOGETHER as a group --Hat decorating party! Everyone bring a "goodie" --Attend festival or city-wide event together and lunch (and many more ideas anyone can come up with) THE QUEEN SHOULD ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE TO HELP WITH ANYTHING YOU NEED, FROM COMING UP WITH IDEAS, TO MAKING THE FLYERS AND EMAILING THEM OUT ON COMPUTER, ETC. (JUST ASK!!!!)
_______________________________________________________
__________________________________
_______________________________________________________
A Few of My Favorite Things
Maalox and nosedrops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food nor food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I'VE HAD
AND THEN I DON'T FEEL SOOOO BAAAAD.
_______________________________________________________
__________________________________
_______________________________________________________
