Before I begin, please know that I am now whining about my circumstances, and I am not wanting anyone to feel sorry for me. Also, I am in no way, shape or form, trying to glorify my sin or any sin for that matter. I simply want you to know my testimony, and where the Lord has brought me from. (This may be very choppy in places,I left out parts or I'd be writing forever, sorry)

I did not grow up in a Christian home. My parents and I did not attend church. The only times I went to church, was when I stayed with my grandparents, during the summer. I did however, grow up in a home filled with (I bet you think I'm gonna say Love!) Violence. My parents fought constantly. Not arguing, like all parents do, but physically beating the mess out of each other. Some of my earliest memories are of them fighting. As I got older, I found myself in the middle of these fights (trying to stop them), only to find that I ended up getting my mother hurt worse.

When it was time for me to start school, my grandparents, talked my parents into sending me to a Christian School. (Let me stop for a minute to say... If you do not attend church, and you do not live the Christian life in your home DO NOT SEND YOUR CHILDREN TO CHRISTIAN SCHOOL... it is confusing and the values, beliefs and standards they will be taught, will be contradicted at home). Sorry about that. Anyway, I was the only kid in my neighborhood that went to Christian school. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it very much, but the kids there that went to church, were so much different than me. In kindergarten alone, I "pretended" to get saved at least 15 times. Nobody ever explained it to me, what I was doing, why I was doing it, and most importantly that I only had to do it one time. By the time I was in 5Th grade I was so fed up with it, that I begged my parents to send me to public school. Of course, they were thrilled and did so.

In my house, when we were watching TV late at night, it was fast-forwarded, or I had to close my eyes during the sex scenes. (By the way, this does not work!). So at a very young age, whether they knew it or not, my parents were introducing me to pornography. At the age of 8, not even knowing what I was doing, I "made out" with one of my friends (that was a girl) who lived up the street. Pornographic videos were available at my house. My dad had them locked in a filing cabinet, that I quickly learned how to pic open. I would steal his movies, hide them in my room and watch them. I became completely obsessed with sex. All that to say this. I met my first boyfriend in Oct. 1994, I was 13, he was 18. Already being very interested in sex. So of course, I did it. I had sex for the first time when I was 13. Needless to say, that relationship ended horribly, like most of them do, when sex is all you are in the relationship for.

Thirteen, was a very "start new things" year for me. I started smoking (with my parents permission), drinking, having sex, and doing drugs, all in the same year. In May of 1995 (I was still 13), I met the man that would become my husband. He also, was 18. We had met a couple of times before that, but we never talked to each other. He was one of the leaders in a skinhead (racist / white supremacy) gang at his high school. Oh, he was a bad boy, and that is exactly what I was looking for. We began dating, and other things.

In Oct. 1995 (man, 1995 was a busy year), my mother was in a severe car accident, that left her mentally messed up. After this, the fighting at home got worse. I stopped staying at home as much. I'd stay with friends, anywhere that they were not. My dad always, from the time I was born, worked 3rd shift. He left as I went to bed and came home after I went to school. So for the night time, my mother got a "friend". Who actually pretended to be my dad's friend. It was confusing. Anyways, her friend would come over at night, and to keep me company and out of their hair, she would let my boyfriend (my husband now) spend the night. Oh yeah, she would get us alcohol, get us drunk and then we were out of her hair. We'd sleep in the same bed together, until it was almost time for my dad to come home, and then she would wake him up to get on the couch. Once, my mom, ran off to Florida with her boyfriend, and left me at home. I was 13, and she left me at home all night by myself, for a week. My dad had to work, he could not stay home. So they arranged for my boyfriend (now husband) to stay the night with me so I would not be by myself.

The partying, drinking, doing drugs, and other things still went on. But in October of 1996, my boyfriend (now husband), took me to the Trails of Decisions in Dallas, GA one night for Halloween. I had been there a couple of times before, but it was no big deal. I went from the beginning when the rapture takes place all the way to the end, but nothing. It was scary, and Halloween was supposed to be scary. When we got to the end, you are in heaven. A woman in a beautiful dress, stands on a platform (like she is flying) and sings a song. I had no idea what was happening to me. The more I listened to her sing, the more I felt like crying. By the time she was finished with her song, I was balling uncontrollably. I didn't know what was happening to me. All I knew was that I wanted to be on that holy ground she sang about. My boyfriend (husband now), asked me what was wrong and I told him I didn't know. He found someone from the trail to help me. I went into a tent and talked with someone, and there that night, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour. I was 14. I wish I could tell you that my life was roses after that. No, it was not. Because, no one informed me that I needed to go to church, and that I needed to grow as a christian. Nope, I continued doing the same things I was doing before.

In 1997, I met my best friend. We had previously hated one another, but we got stuck next to each other in a class and... well go figure. She was a little older than me and could drive already, so that was a plus. By this time, I was hanging out with the "freak" kids (they are called Gothic now). She was a total preppy kid. But we defied the laws of stereotypes and became best friends. I started spending a lot of time with her at her dads. One, because she was my best friend, and two, because the drugs were readily available. We stayed "stoned" constantly. Once, we even got stoned and drunk, and jumped into each other's cars with other people driving and raced around her subdivision. We could have been killed, but that didn't matter then.

My mom, went to the mental hospital a lot, once, she tried to buy a car, and they gave her the car before the financing was final or something. Anyways, they told her to bring it back and she refused. She stole the car, and the cops came to our house, and slammed her up against the wall and took her to jail. The parental fighting was real bad now, my dad, would always hit her in the head, so that it would not leave bruises. Once they were fighting so bad, that I grabbed the telephone and swung it on his back over and over again. Would you believe that it still did not stop him. Before she went back to the hospital, her and my dad got into a big fight. Well his truck was tore up and she took the car. So in the middle of the night, he was trying to put in a transmission, and he had a stroke. I helped him get cleaned up for the hospital, and off he went. I was home alone. He stayed in the hospital for 5 days. My mom was in the mental hospital, and I was there, all by myself at home. I was only 15.

Things got really bad in April of 1997, my mom and dad got in another one of their fights. I was at my boyfriends (now husband). My dad came by to tell me not to go home, because they were into it. My best friend was with me, so we ran over to my house, to get some of my clothes, I was going to stay the night with her. My mom, came home while we were there, and I was packing a bag. She was mad, thought I was leaving her too. She was carrying a brown paper sack. I thought nothing of it. She gave me some clothes she had bought me, and then I left. Before I left, (because of everything that had went on in my family) I said, "Promise Me You Will Not Hurt Yourself!" She didn't say anything and I left. My friend and I went back over to my boyfriend's (now husband) house to wait for him to get off work. The telephone rang, it was for me. It was my mom. She said she was calling to tell me that she loved me. Then she started talking to me about my dad... I did not want to hear it. All I can remember, is that I said, "Mom, you guys were fighting over a couch!" And there it was, the most horrible silence I had ever heard. I panicked, and started to run out the door. I knew what had happened. My boyfriend's dad had just got home from work and asked me what was going on. I told him, and he would not let me leave. He made me call the police to meet me at my house. My boyfriend came home from work, and thought it was another one of her tricks, so he did not go home with me. I grabbed my best friend, jumped in the car and went 95 all the way to my house.

When I got there, the police were already there. I let them in. They told me nothing. One of them ran to his car and got yellow tape, and started taping off our yard. Still they told me nothing. Finally a man came to me, and all he kept saying was calm down. I was calm, I didn't know anything yet. My heart was pounding, I could not hardly breathe. Then he told me, "Your sister is dead. I told him that I did not have a sister and that it was my mom. They tried their best to comfort me. But I was numb. My dad had went to work (to get away from my mom, he said). I had to call him there and tell him what had happened. He came home and arrangements were made, the funeral was the day before Easter.

My boyfriend and I had been visiting a church, so I went on Easter Sunday. The preacher, preached a message and said, that God takes people away from us, because we are bad. I didn't know enough Bible to understand what he was saying, so I immediately got mad at God. I did not want to go to church, I did not want to have anything to do with God. After that, I started smoking pot really bad. I was stoned almost every day. My boyfriend and I broke up three or four times, and kept getting back together. I cheated on him, several times, and just kept going down hill. I'd move in with my boyfriend, break up with him, move in with my dad - move in with my boyfriend. It was a constant BAD cycle. Finally my boyfriend told me, that if I was going to be with him, I had to move in with him and stay there. So I did.

In November of 1999, we were married. We had tried to go to church a few times before that, but I did not feel comfortable because we lived together and were not married, so I didn't want to go. Our marriage was much like the marriage of my parents. We fought constantly. Not physically, well sometimes, I'd get physical, but he never hit me back. It was the only thing I knew. I thought married people were supposed to beat the tar out of one another.

In September of 2000, there was a girl, from a church, that we knew. We were having very bad marital problems, and my husband kind-of-liked her, so one morning he woke up, and said, I'm going to church, do you want to go. Of course I said NO! So he went by himself. Hoping to talk to this girl. He came home, like I had never seen him before. He was so excited. He said, "Amanda, you have got to come to this church with me!" I didn't want to go, but I did.

During the service, the preaching was so beautiful. I listened, like I had never heard any of it before. By the time, the pastor was done, tears just flowed from my eyes. I felt just like I had that night at the Trails of Decisions. I didn't know what to do. I went down and I talked with someone, and told them that I had been saved, but did not ever go to church. They talked to me for a while, and explained that once God saves you, you stay saved. You just backslide and get out of His will and get away from him. That day, I fell in love with Jesus Christ and God. As I grew as a Christian. I began to realize that God had not taken my mother because of me. It was her time to go. The Bible says "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgement:" She simply had an appointment she needed to keep.

I had finally released all my anger and hatred towards God. Because I realized that even though I was mad at him, and thought I hated him. He still loved me. I was still his child. And he wanted me to come back to him. So I did. Friends, that was 8 years ago this September. I am still in love with God as much, actually more, that I was in 2000. He opened his arms to me, and loved me for me. Not only did He love me, he uses me for His glory, daily. My husband and I got our marriage on the right track. We were able to move out on our own, into a small house. We still have issues, every marriage has issues, but now we put God in the center of them, and every time they have worked out! GOD DOES THAT!

About a year after we faithfully started going to church, the Lord, called my husband to preach. He now preaches in the Street Ministry. A ministry that he has such a heart and calling for. He takes care of me, provides for me, and treats me the way a man is supposed to treat his wife. GOD DID THAT! A couple of years after he was called to preach, the Lord, called me to be a Sunday School Teacher. Now, every Sunday, I get to be that person, that I did not have when I was younger. I get to be the person, that shows love, and compassion to these children who go home to a house of hell! GOD DID THAT! A couple of years after that, the Lord, called us into the Children's Ministry. We both are faithful to the Junior Church (children 7-12 years old) Ministry. Each week I get to use all those things that I wrote above, to help the life of a child. The Lord, through me, tell those children, that it may be tough at home now, but one day, everything will be just fine. GOD DOES THAT!

There is even more. God did not limit his blessing just to us at church. He spreads his blessing upon us in our home. When we first moved out, we moved into a tiny house. GOD GAVE US THAT HOUSE! The Lord made it where we did not have to have any money to move in, and we made the deal on a hand-shake! GOD DID THAT! Later, we needed a new vehicle. GOD GAVE US A CAR! Again, he worked it out where we did not have to have any money, someone gave us the money to get the car. GOD DID THAT! My husband worked a job and works one now, that provides where I don't have to work, and I can stay home and be a homemaker and helpmate. GOD DOES THAT! When we moved into our small house, the Lord, provided us will all the furnishing we needed for free. GOD DID THAT! After time, our small house (we rented), began to fall apart. We prayed and prayed, and believe it or not. GOD GAVE US A NEW HOUSE! This time we are buying. Again, we moved into this house with no money. We had been saving up some money in envelopes for emergencies, repairs, things like that. And we moved into the house we live in now, using that money, no money ever came directly from my husband's checks! GOD DID THAT! Not only did he do that, but it only costs about 30.00 more each month than our small house... we did not skip a beat moving here. GOD DID THAT! Again, my car tore up, had to get a new one. The Lord, used my dad, to GIVE us his old TRUCK! God provided a vehicle for free. GOD DID THAT! Then, my husband's truck tore up, he was driving my car. The Lord provided us with a second vehicle for free. The Lord gave us enough money, with the "stimulus" check, that we were able to purchase another car. GOD DID THAT! We are both healthy. GOD DID THAT!

If you are wondering why I just spent all that time, telling you what God did for me, well the answer is simple. HE CAN DO IT FOR YOU TOO! Maybe not the same things, maybe not the same way, but God can provide your needs. He can provide the things that you stand in need of... but you have to let him. You have to trust him, and you have to accept him and his Son (Jesus Christ), and what he did for you on Calvary.

Jesus died a horrible death, because as humans, we are not capable of obtaining God's righteousness by ourselves. Jesus came and paid the price for our sins. The Bible says "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)." We are all sinners and cannot no matter what we do, be good enough to get ourselves into Heaven. We must go through Jesus Christ.

Because we are sinners, we must pay the price for our sins. The Bible says, "For the wadges of sin is Death; but the GIFT OF GOD is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 6:23)." God has blessed you already, even if you don't know it. He blessed you with the gift of his son. When Jesus shed his blood on that cross, that horrible cross. He was doing it for you. He was doing it for me. He was doing it for everyone. The Bible Says, But God commendeth his LOVE toward US, in that, while we were yet sinners, CHRIST DIED FOR US (Romans 5:8).

Please do not be foolish, like I was, all those years. Jesus is right here, with his arms spread open, waiting for you to come. It's so simple, children do it every day. As adults, we like to make things complicated. This is the easiest thing you can ever do in life. Simply, Trust Jesus Christ. The Bible says, in Romans chapter 10 and verse 9: That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Friend, America goes to church on Easter Sunday, because they believe that God raised his son from the dead. You already believe that God has raised him. Now, here is the easiest part. Romans 10:13 says, "FOR WHOSOEVER (THIS IS YOU) SHALL CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD SHALL BE SAVED."

All you have to do, is pray. You've prayed before, I'm sure. Pray now, admit to Jesus that you know you are a sinner, and you know that the wadge of sin is death. Call upon his name, ask him to forgive you of those sins and come in heart and save you. He said he would. For whosoeve calleth. Today, you are whosoever, and he is waiting for your call. You don't have to be rich, you don't have to be sober, you don't have to be anything, but what you are right now. Ask God to save you, trust me, you won't regret it!

If you have taken the time to read this entire thing, I thank you. I you have chosen to accept Christ today, I applaud you. Please contact me, I would love to help you get literature, and find a good Bible Believing Church in your area. My email address is achougas@att.net I hope to hear from you!