Mirror, mirror on the wall, Do you have to tell it all? Where do you get the glaring light, To make my clothes look just too tight? I think I’m fine but I can see, you won’t cooperate with me; The way you let the shadows play, You’d think my hair was getting gray. What’s that, you say? A double chin? No, that’s the way the light comes in; If you persist in peering so, You’ll confiscate my facial glow, And then if you’re not hanging straight, You’ll tell me next I’m gaining weight; I’m really quite upset with you, For giving this distorted view; I hate you being smug and wise, Oh, look what’s happened to my thighs! I warn you now, Oh mirrored wall, Since we’re not on speaking terms at all, If I look like this in my new jeans, You’ll find yourself in smithereens!

When I'm An Old Lady and Live With My Kids!

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with my kids, and make them so happy, just as they did. I want to pay back all the joy they've provided, returning each deed. Oh, they'll be so excited. When I'm an old lady and live with my kids I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues, and bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes. I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out. I'll stuff all the toilets, and oh, how they'll shout. When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. When they're on the phone and just out of reach, I'll get into things like sugar and bleach. Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head, and when that is done I'll hide under the bed. When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. When they cook dinner and call me to meals, I'll not eat my green beans or salads congealed. I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, and when they get angry, run fast as I'm able. When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. I'll sit close to the TV, thru the channels I'll click, I'll cross both my eyes to see if they stick. I'll take off my socks and throw one away, And play in the mud until the end of the day. When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh, and thank God in prayer and then close my eyes, and my kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping, and say with a groan. "She's so sweet when she's sleeping"!