WOMEN OF LAUGHTER AND FUN Red Hat Society<img src=smiliegal.gif wi

July 2009

Our New Motto

ASHES TO ASHES
DUST TO DUST
LIFE IS TOO SHORT
SO PARTY WE MUST!!!!

Great Trivia information:

1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
3. The dot over the letter �i� is called a tittle.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2' by 3-1/2'.
8. During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur,' a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (That explains a few mysteries)
10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
14. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before.
15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this?)
17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA .'
19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
20. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, 'Elementary, my dear Watson.'
28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!
29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!

COFFEE FILTERS

Coffee filters ..who knew! And you can buy 1,000 at the Dollar Tree for almost nothing.
1. Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.
2. Clean windows and mirrors. Coffee filters are lint-free so they'll leave windows sparkling.
3. Protect China . Separate your good dishes by putting a coffee filter between each dish.
4. Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.
5. Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.
6. Apply shoe polish. Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.
7. Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.
8. Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.
9. Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.
10. Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a coffee filter to
prevent the soil from going through the drainage holes.
11. Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a coffee filter.
12. Do you think we used expensive strips to wax eyebrows? Use strips of coffee filters.
13. Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, French fries, chicken fingers,
etc... on them. Soaks out all the grease.
14. Keep in the bathroom. They make great "razor nick fixers."

OH YEAH, THEY ARE GREAT TO USE IN YOUR COFFEE MAKERS.

Things to do with WD40

Interesting!!! A refresher course--who knew?

I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed! WD-40 who knew? Water Displacement #40. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a ' water displacement' compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you...' IT IS MADE FROM FISH OIL' When you read the 'shower door' part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It is a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... It is now shinier than it has ever been before.
1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives floors that ..just-waxed.. sheen without making it slippery.
5) Keeps flies off cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7) Removes lipstick stains. 9) Untangles jewelry chains.
10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14) Keeps glass shower doors free of waterspots.
15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes.
18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car.Remove immediately with wd40.
20) Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21) Lubricates gear shift on lawn mowers.
22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26) Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles.
27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain .
37) Florida 's favorite use 'Cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.'
38) Protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time.
40) Fire ant bites . It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42) If you've washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
43) If you spray WD-40 on the distributor cap, it will displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
I keep a can of WD-40 in my kitchen cabinet over the stove. It is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring.
Remember, the basic ingredient is FISH OIL.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

Interesting Facts About the Human Body

The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
A full bladder is roughly the size of a softball.
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6lb).
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
The attachment of human muscle to skin is what causes dimples.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died
Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
When you are looking at someone your love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
Your ears secrete more earway when you are afraid than when you aren't.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dessolve something, you cannot taste it.
The average woman is five inches shorter that the average man.

ATM PIN
A recent tragedy of a young woman being kidnapped and eventually killed; after she had repeatedly given the kidnapper a wrong PIN to her ATM card.
Here you go. If you would ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, you can notify the police by entering your pin # in REVERSE.
For example if your pin number is 1234, then you would put in 4321.
The ATM recognizes that your pin number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine. The machine will still give you the money you requested; but unknown to the robber, the police will immediately dispatched to help you.
Vincent van Gogh's relatives were:
Verti Gogh......................His dizzy aunt
Gotta Gogh......................The brother who eats prunes
Chica Gogh......................A cousin from Illinois
Where-Diddy Gogh................His magician uncle
Amee Gogh.......................A Mexican cousin
Gring Gogh......................Another Mexican cousin
Wellsfar Gogh...................A nephew who drives stagecoachs
Cant Gogh.......................The constipated uncle
Tang Gogh.......................The ballroom dancing aunt
Flamin Gogh.....................The bird loving uncle
E Gogh..........................A psychoanalyst Uncle
Man Gogh........................A cousin who loves fruit
Poe Gogh........................a bouncy little nephew
Go Gogh.........................his sister who loves disco
Winnie Bay Gogh.................a niece who travels the country
Well, there you gogh!

What Are Grits?
What are grits? Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.
How Grits are Formed.
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in South Carolina, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).
Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat.. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.
Historical Grits
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due to their rarity. The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)
The 10 Commandments of Grits
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy .
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
How to Cook Grits
For one serving of Grits: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 TBsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to cooking grits.
How to make red eye gravy
Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.
How to Eat Grits
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)
In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they caused cancer, rotten teeth and impotence.
Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)
Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.
The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.)
Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think its Cream of Wheat!
Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
(Leftover grits are extremely rare) Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight. The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.
TRADITIONAL BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS
May the lord bless these grits, May no Damnyankee ever get the recipe, May I eat grits every day while living, And may I die while eating grits.
AMEN