So....... I, personally, have struggled (at times) with my belief in God and Jesus. I admit my strongest doubts usually come shortly after testing God. For example (true story):

I lay in bed pondering life and it's purpose, etc, etc. I finally decide to conclusively "prove" God's existence to myself. I pray to him my most genuine and passionate prayer. I proclaim my love for him, my willingness to follow him all my days, and my determination to be a humble servant. Then my prayer changes...."Lord I want so badly to be used by you, but I am hindered by the lack of your physical presence. I want to hear your voice audibly (Like Abraham), I want to see you like your disciples did, I want to feel your presence as if you're embracing me, and I want to witness your power. Lord you are awesome and all-powerful, so I want to ask you a small favour. I am going to fall asleep soon...when I wake up I will roll over, I will look on the floor beside my bed. If you exist then I pray you'd let there be a flower there beside my bed when I wake up. If there is no flower than I will know the truth. Amen"

Next morning.....roll over....no flower! :(

After that experience I closed the door on God for quite a while. I thought...it was such a simple thing for him to do. And if he loved me wouldn't he want to do that simple thing for me so I could be clear about everything?

It actually took me a long time to get over that. So how did I get over it? I started to realize that proof is like money; people can never get enough of it. Somebody wins the lotto….what do they do? They try to use that money to get more money, and then more, and more. Same with proof. I open my eyes and look around. I see a drop of “water” on a “leaf” which hangs from a “tree” which is rooted in the “earth” which rotates around the “sun” and all of this takes place in this magical “universe” that I can “see” with my “eyes” (which humans still can’t figure out by the way), I can “touch” with my “hands”, I can “smell” with my “nose”, “hear” with my “ears”, “taste” with my “tongue”, and analyze using my “emotions”. And that’s just the tip of the ice berg. The “TRUTH” of the matter was God had given me an abundance of proof, It was me that chose not to “BELIEVE”. In fact, he had thrown so much proof at me that it probably boggled his mind that I still didn’t believe. He’s created fields of flowers for me to adore. Then for me to say it’s not proof enough, I need one beside my bed…..well that’s just childish. He might as well of been standing in my room smacking me in the face. He might as well of held out his hand and let me cut it to see the blood roll down his fingers. I mean that’s what he would have had to do to prove himself more than he already had.

And now that I think about it….he does speak to me. He speaks to me in a way that supersedes audibility. I get these feelings inside me the same way a blind puppy gets a feeling (instinct) that it’s being looked after by it’s mother. If you have the book “Blue Like Jazz” read the chapter entitled “Penguin Sex” (hahaha)….trust me it explains this so much better. There are certain things I can be certain of based on those instincts. I look around and I question where did this world come from – instantly those feelings inside me point toward Christ. I’m still learning to trust those instincts but just like the puppy – my life depends on me trusting and following those instincts. There was a time in history when people acted almost solely on their intuitions. Now the world has evolved into a place where an idea means nothing unless it can be heard, smelt, seen, tasted, or touched. A standpoint of today’s society concerning instinct and intuition could be summed up as – “If I can’t interact with it, it does not exist….end of story!”

I’ve got more to say but I’m getting out of hand here. I mean this is getting long. Anyways, you should read Matthew chapter 17. Especially versus 14 – 20. He’s given us so much proof that it only takes a mustard seed of faith to tap into him and his awesome power. Also check Dictionary.com. Type in Faith and click search. Scroll down to “Easton’s 1897 Bible Dictionary”. They explain this stuff pretty well too.

Faith is one of the hardest concepts to convey to someone who doesn’t believe. I’m not pretending to have all the answers either. Just trying to share my experience. But consider this…it may help.

Faith is: confidence in a truth, or the existence of someone or something not supported by proof or material evidence.

Therefore I can say I “believe” I have 10 bucks in the bank. I mean I have 100% faith in that truth. I can say that right now even though I can’t see that 10 bucks, I can’t feel it, I can’t hear it crackling between my finger tips, I can’t smell that coveted aroma, etc. But I can tell you it’s there. If there is any doubt I can go get a bank statement that confirms my belief. My point is I don’t have to see Jesus, feel him, hear him, etc to know he’s there. He is there and I have 100% confidence in that truth. And if there is any doubt I can go to a mirror or look through a telescope or I can go to a “field of flowers” and those things will confirm my beliefs. So he does give us proof....it's just not exactly what we want when we want it. God doesn't follow our orders.

I guess when it comes right down to it you have to choose. Faith and belief and "choice" are the only things standing between us and an incredible life; an incredible life we can’t imagine or experience without believing.

A baby bird “believes” it can fly….It has “faith” in it’s “instincts”…..but it “chooses” to jump from the nest. Imagine how it feels the first time it takes flight…………

Like the baby bird we must believe God is there. We must have faith in our instincts concerning him and his great power. Then we must choose to follow him and his commands. We will know exactly how that bird felt in it's first flight everytime we obey him, every time we trust him. (just like the furnace). And even better...we will be rewarded for believing in Heaven.

One of Ryan's Photos of a nearby walkway