Chapter One of Rearing Faithful Children (Note: this electronic version does not include the footnotes found in the print version) Copyright 2003, all rights reserved.

The Covenantal Facts of Life

1. Forget the Stork

I have four daughters, so I know about what happens between a man and a woman who are married (or ought to be). And I know about sperm and ova, about gestation periods and birth. But all that is actually about how babies get here, not where they come from.

Actually, instead of where, I should ask, "From whom do babies come?" I can hear someone say, "Oh, I know what you’re getting at... a baby comes from its mother." But Eve, the first mother, saw it quite differently.

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD (Genesis 4:1, emphasis added).

The first mother said that her baby came from the Lord. We can find this truth elaborated in Psalm 139:13, which says,

Thou has covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are Thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

John Calvin’s Commentary on the Book of Psalms unfolds the meaning for us:

The "covering" here spoken of, is illustrated by Job x.2, where God is said to have "clothed us with skin and fenced us with bones and sinews." "A work so astonishing," observes Bishop Horne, "that before the Psalmist proceeds in his description of it, he cannot help breaking forth in rapture at the thought: ‘I will praise thee, for I amfearfully and wonderfully made.’"1

What the Psalmist is telling us, then, is that God put him together in the womb. Another commentator2 says that covered carries with it the idea of weaving or plaiting -- a graphic picture of the creator fashioning a new person in the womb. The next time you look at your little lass or laddie, remember that from the raw material of DNA, proteins and other nutrients, God formed your baby. Just as personally and individually as He made Adam from the dust of the earth, so the Lord God wove your child in the womb.

The raw materials are a little different from those that He utilized to make Adam, but the Creator is the same. You, the parent, served as the storehouse for those hereditary raw materials. That’s why we say that Billy has Dad’s nose, and Jenny has Mom’s eyes. But since it was God who took those resources and turned them into a person, we can also say that just as surely as Adam owed his life and being to God, so does your baby.

That means that God has a prior claim on your little child, just as He does on you and your forbears all the way back to Adam and Eve. God made each of us, and we must not forget that when it comes to the agenda for our children.

We all have our ideas on who our children are, how we will train them up and what we hope them to become. Dreams and aspirations are not necessarily sinful, but they must give way to the reality that God’s agenda takes priority over our own. In a very real sense, you hold your children in trust.

As God’s trustee, you must adopt His goals, program and methods for bringing up the child He has given over to your care. If you are a true Christian, this will not be as burdensome as it might sound, for the Holy Spirit has put in your heart an affinity for those things which please Him. You will need to consider your child-rearing carefully, however, for God has given you a trust of great value. You can find a passage that speaks of children as a valued trust in Psalm 127:3.

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is His reward.

This passage likens children to a valuable endowment that we receive from a wealthy benefactor. Your child is precious to God, and he should be precious to you as well. Contrary to the attitude of secular humanist society, children are a blessing from God rather than a burden.

2. Different...Yet Same

In the film The Karate Kid, there is a scene where the swarthy Daniel shows a picture of himself with his blond, blue-eyed girl friend to his mentor, Mr. Miyagi. Miyagi studies the two in the photo. Then he comments, "Different...yet same." From my own experience, this terse observation applies in ways far beyond what the old Okinawan gentleman intended.

When our older daughters were still in the early grades, people with problem children would comment to us, "Just wait until they become teenagers -- then you’ll see." Misery loves company, and so they wished upon my wife and me the same kind of teens they had produced. Then when my girls entered into their teens without the slightest resemblance to witches, were¬wolves or vampires, the comments changed to, "Well, you have girls, but boys are more headstrong."

These parents did not understand the full import of the truth: different...yet same. Yes, preteens and teens are different, but a child allowed to rebel in his early days will go on to rebel with the same spirit in adolescence. Boys and girls obviously differ, but God in His Word does not give us different programs for training them. Girls can be headstrong, too.

One of our daughters3 was as willful as any boy I’ve ever observed. She would pick the most trivial issues on which to challenge us -- e.g., "Let’s put your shoes on so you can go outside and play." She’d look me straight in the eye as she set her jaw and planted her feet, and I knew we were in for a contest of wills. The fact that she actually wanted to go outside, took a back seat to the contest. She defied her mother and me on a nearly daily basis all through toddlerhood.

Another daughter was a negotiator. Almost anything we might tell her to do brought a counterproposal. This form of disobedience was much more subtle, for before I realized it, I often found myself entering into the negotiation process on her terms. She was different from her sister...yet the same.

My point is that all children share certain things in common. They are all, for example, human beings created in the image of God. They also inherited a sin-nature from conception (Psalm 51:5). Covenant children (children of Christian parents) also share certain things in common. (I will cover those promises and blessings in the next chapter.)

The common nature shared by all children points to their common origin. As the ultimate originator, God knows that the same issues arise in the lives of all children. Therefore His Word teaches us that as sinners they all need to learn obedience; but as people made in His image, they all need love, support and encouragement. The fact that we can determine conditions common to all children should come as a relief and a comfort to you.

As a parent, you can enjoy the uniqueness of each child without despairing over how to handle the core issues. You can recognize each individual and encourage each one’s characteristic interests and aptitudes, while at the same time you understand and apply God’s own standards and goals to all your children. Let me tell you why this is so important.

I once served as the principal of a Christian Day School operated by a local church. During recess one day, I observed the pastor’s son and his schoolmates playing baseball. Every few minutes an argument broke out over whether someone had touched a base, ticked the ball with the bat, or some other point that affected which way the game was going. The boys yelled, used intemperate language with that in-your-face posture they picked up from watching their heroes on TV, and they would throw the bat, their gloves and the ball. It was obvious that if this continued, someone would get hurt.

Since his son was involved, I mentioned the angry outbursts to the pastor with the intention of coming to an agreement about how to stop this behavior. I was shocked to find out that he did not want to curb his son’s temper; he wanted to encourage it. He said that he did not want his son to grow up to be a wimp, and that arguing and even fighting would cause him to grow up to be a real man. I understood that he was indirectly telling me that I was not a real man because I saw a problem with his son’s anger.

As a man of the Book, he should have known better. He should have known that human wrath does not produce godliness (James 1:20). The Bible does say that sometimes it’s necessary for a man to fight -- but not over the childish desire to come out ahead in some game. That pastor had substituted his own [wimpy!]juvenile idea of what makes a real man for the standard set down in the Bible. You must take care to learn from his mistake and accept God’s authority in all you think and do as a parent.

The rest of this book grows out of the major theme of this chapter: that your children come from God, and that He alone has the authority and the knowledge to determine how you can and should rear your children. If you follow His direction, I cannot guarantee that your life as a parent will be free of care, distress, or even heartbreak. I can tell you that the fruits of rearing your children in the covenant will far outweigh any cost you incur. For only as you follow the guidance found in His Word will you be able to fully enjoy your children as blessings and treasures from God.

Table of Contents

Contents page number

Dedication

Author’s Foreword

Preface: The Gospel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

Introduction: Rearing Children in the Covenant . . . . . . . . 12

Chapter One: Where Do Babies Come From? . . . . . . . 18

Chapter Two: Life in the Covenant with Father . . . . . . . 25

Chapter Three: Reap Huge Profits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50

Chapter Four: Truth in Labeling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63

Chapter Five: Strive Toward the Goal . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78

Chapter Six: A Doctrine of Discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86

Chapter Seven: Giving Godly Spankings . . . . . . . . . . . . 98

Chapter Eight: Is It Ever Too Late? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 120

Chapter Nine: Discipling for Destiny . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132

Appendix . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151