A Stone's Throw


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Robin Stone
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Cynthia Stone

A Stone's Throw

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Summer '94
I hear the clock tick
I feel anxious
I want to know why I cant seem
to get a handle on things.
I know denial is not productive
and I try to accept that the defective mode
is a rational part of vicious survival
but the innermost fears of self within
are vaguely discordant with the realities
of modern science.
The senselessness of existence
is outweighed by the need to do
that which society requires
in order for self within to co-exist with that
which is with out and try to find
a harmony or balance.

Sadness
Cold rain, hard wind
Chilled to soul.
Tapping of drops
Down windows roll,
Puddle up,
Draining off,
Reforming,
Never gone,
Just recycling.
Wind whips,
Cuts through--
Knife--
Shivering, stinging,
Aching down deep.
Will it ever end?

Unshed Tears (Ode to Louis)

I live with the sting of unshed tears.
Tears for what I was and no longer am, nor ever will be again
Tears of pain

Tears for what I am and do not wish to be, but cannot change
nor accept and live with.
Tears of fear
Tears for what I will never be no matter the longing in my heart and soul,
For I do not possess that quality which needs be in order to achieve that goal.
Tears of sorrow
But more than any, tears of rejection
the rejection that hurts most of all -- rejection of self, for when evil has seated this deep, the only hope of salvation is in the reality that there is no hope... alas poor Louis...
Tears of despair
I must accept that evil and condemn myself, that is not what I have been doing.
I have been trying to change it and be something I am not... Good,
but that is not possible for I am evil and do not even deserve
the honor of the pain and tears that I so grudgingly shed.
Tears of sadness
So these last tears I shed, and so close the part of my life that was good versus evil - the evil has won.
There is no salvation for this immortal, eternity in hell is the fate that awaits, so I must prepare and ready the spirit.
The tears of death
In realizing I am not good, I also realize I am not G-d and may therefore not end life -- not even one so evil as my own
So body and soul shall continue until the ultimate condemnation, that which comes from the Almighty in the heavens above upon my blessed death -- for death is the only good that shall come of my evil existence
Tears of joy
Until then I shall subsist
Written after seeing Interview with a Vampire

A STONE'S THROW
, TX

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