*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

You know you’re insane if...

1. You see dogs running around and barking- in your own private lair

2. You begin every sentence with, “A Frodo Baggins would say...”

3. You often find yourself thinking, “What would Violet Baudelaire do?”

4. You pretend to be Tinkerbell. Frequently. You’ve made yourself a special outfit for the occasion. When people tell you to quit wearing “that stupid costume,” you inform them, “It’s not my costume, they’re my normal clothes. Stupid mortals...”

5. You force your friends to call you Magnificent One.

6. You refuse to answer to anything else.

7. You torture the pizza guy...

8. ...in your basement.

9. You often sit in a farmer’s field, pretending to be a corn stalk. You blow about in the breeze how the other corn stalks do. You named the corn stalk on your right, “Percival,” but you call him Percy for short.

10. You’ve seen Lord of the Rings the Fellowship of the Ring 34 times consecutively...and counting.

11. You insist that people use the full title of the movies you obsess over, such as, “Star Wars, Episode Three, The Revenge of the Sith.” Movies you dislike you refer to as, “Bantha Fodder.”

12. You speak Elvish.

13. You changed your name to Arwen.

14. Your email address is liam_aiken_is_hot7777777777777@companyname.com

15. You know what a Jawa is.

16. You’ve pulled out every single one of your fingernails, and carry them around in a plastic sack. Whenever someone you dislike sits next to you on the bus, you say, “Have a fingernail..” then pop one into your mouth and add, “Mmm, tasty!”

17. You mumble during conversations.

18. You talk to yourself. The first voice is named Jason, the second Marcy...

19. You have meaningful conversations with Jason and Marcy.

20. Jason and Marcy are your best friends.

21. Jason and Marcy are starting to get on your nerves, though...you’re thinking of killing them off.

22. You sharpen knives while on the phone with your ex. Loudly.

23. You haven’t combed or washed your hair in weeks.

24. Your smell precedes you ten minutes everywhere you go...

25. When people beg you to bathe, you bark at them angrily, and chase them up a tree...

26. You’ve written, “Frodo Lives!” On a large public piece of property, i.e. the school, or a bus...your local Wal*Mart...

27. Your email address is tap_maria_zass@yahoo.com *inside joke*

28. You own a copy of M.L. Ayde’s “Psychiatry NOW!”

29. You thought the previous book was actually real.

30. You love your little goldfish that swim around so merrily in their fish tank. You especially like the way they sound when you slap them onto the frying pan...mmm mmm, fresh fish!

31. You are Gollum. Whoever denies it should be institutionalized.

32. Your teeth have almost rotted out of your face and your breath smells like all of those goldfish you ate have died and come back again