Good Question!! The very first thing you should realize is that you, the parent, are your child's advocate! You bring to the table experience and expertise on your child that no school personnel could match. Trust your gut feelings...be confident in your knowledge. Be open to what others offer but remember that when all is said and done you are not only the parent and advocate but also a key person to ensure that your child's legal rights are protected.

Feel like you're getting nowhere?

Ok...Now this is from the top..the US Department of Education in their "A Guide to the Individualized Education Program" ..take their word for it!

"Each public school child who receives special education and related services must have an Individualized Education Program (IEP). Each IEP must be designed for one student and must be a truly individualized document. The IEP creates an opportunity for teachers, parents, school administrators, related services personnel, and students (when appropriate) to work together to improve educational results for children with disabilities. The IEP is the cornerstone of a quality education for each child with a disability.

To create an effective IEP, parents, teachers, other school staff--and often the student--must come together to look closely at the student’s unique needs. These individuals pool knowledge, experience and commitment to design an educational program that will help the student be involved in, and progress in, the general curriculum. The IEP guides the delivery of special education supports and services for the student with a disability. Without a doubt, writing--and implementing--an effective IEP requires teamwork."

Now they said it and we agree - it requires "teamwork". Many parents express that they never feel like a member of a "team" - instead they feel like and are treated as an observer. More like the parents are being told what is going to happen regardless of their parental input. Now of course this would not be a "teamwork" environment.

It reminds us of a quote we once heard - "For professionals(administrators) to grow, they must be watered often."

Here are some tips some of our members have found useful in preparing for and taking part in an IEP meeting.

1- Write out a parental input paper - bring it with to the IEP. Have copies for all participants. Include in it goals and objectives you feel will provide your child with a Free and Appropriate Public Education. Describe your child's strengths and weaknesses. Include any accomodations you feel your child needs. Why you feel your child may need ESY.

2-Never attend an IEP meeting alone! Bring family, or members from your support group (they can take notes for you),or even an advocate..etc.

3-Bring a tape recorder. It's AMAZING how that little item can change a tone and the outcome of an IEP meeting.

4-NEVER SIGN ANYTHING YOU DISAGREE WITH OR DO NOT UNDERSTAND! Tell them you need more time to look it over - ask that the meeting be reconvened until you have the necessary infromation to understand what they are proposing.

5- OK, so they have you seated as if you are in front of a tribunal or perhaps for some unknown reason you got the kiddie chair (it happens folks!) Tell them you are uncomfortable with the seating arrangement and for you to fully and meaningfully participate you would like to switch things around a bit. Rearrange tables and chairs if need be and until IEP particpants are on an equal ground.

One time a couple of our members attended an IEP where two tables were formed into a "T" - at the top of the "T" was seated the Special Ed. Coordinator, the School District Attorney and the Prinicpal (ironic,huh?) These two members walked right up to the tables- picked one up and moved it until things were squared off, then they sat down and expressed "That feels better." - Intimidation can be blatant or subtle - Don't allow yourself to be intimidated. Take charge if need be.

6-If you are feeling rather emotional and as if you are about to "lose it" know that that is a perfectly normal response when things are not going well. Many of us have been there. Inform the IEP members that you need a 5 minute break - then go outside or just leave the room - take a breath - crack a joke with whoever you brought with - get a drink of water- whatever it will take to get you through the rest of the meeting. A 5 minute break is far better than telling the Special Ed. Director they are an a##*@^E.

7-Bring your cell phone - have handy the numbers to the State Board or Department of Public Instruction or OSEP . If there is any doubt among IEP participants on what you child is legally entitled to, let them know that one phone call should give the team some direction. Don't let school personnel or the school district attorney give you LEGAL ADVICE!

8-Teacher says your child is doing GREAT and making fantastic strides in an area you are concerned about. You feel your child is struggling...or perhaps even regressing. No one listens to your concerns...so then document them. If your child is struggling in reading..video tape them reading. Make sure when you tape your child you are doing just that...just taping them not influencing them.

Let the appropriate person know that you will need equipment at the IEP to show a video tape. Inform them that this will be needed for you to participate in the IEP discussion and planning. Once you bring and show that tape at the meeting it will become part of your child's educational file...so make sure you have an extra copy to give to the school. Keep the tape short and simple - no more than 10 minutes.

You can do this for other areas as well. One member video taped her child playing with peers to prove he did have appropriate social skills when the environment allowed for it and that the child was not the "monster" that the school district had tried to portray. The tape also showed that the child did have independent daily living skills. As it turned out this tape became evidence that the child had been misdiagnosed/labeled by the school district reps.

Now obvisously some off these tips are only going to be utilized when things are heated and not going anywhere-or when you are being singled out for whatever reason. We hope that your IEP does not go that way but if it does, know that you're not alone, it has happened to many parents/advocates and you do not have to swallow this type of treatment.

KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. LEARN THEM AND EXERCISE THEM.

The above is not to be considered legal advice. Any suggestions are just that-a suggestion.